My Review of the Year! Pt. 1: What I Loathed In 2014

Any doubts I had that 2014 wasn’t a good year for film were immediately quashed as I sat down to write this list. It was a great year for film, but in amongst all the grand cockerels were 14 ugly turkeys so insipid they simultaneously made my blood boil and skin crawl. And here they are, named and shamed in the hope it’ll dissuade you from sitting through these cinematic travesties. As ever, if there are any that you don’t agree with or think I’ve missed, then let me know in the comments section below.

14: Sex Tape

Even the sight of Cameron Diaz’s bare bum couldn’t save this juvenile jamboree of Apple merchandising. Sex Tape was little more than an extended X-rated promotional video, how ironic that it was released shortly after the ‘fappening‘ scandal!

13: This Is Where I Leave You

Shaun Levy attempts to make a “serious” film, but ends up making a stupid & sentimental.

12: Into The Storm

The film that strived to reinvent the disaster flick, but ended up feeling like nothing more than poorly rendered destruction porn.

11: Horrible Bosses 2

A film in which one of the actors says he can “smell dog shit” during the closing outtakes; it was probably just the festering smell of the film’s quality.

10: Non-Stop

Liam Neeson takes his Taken shtick to the skies, storming up and down the aisles of economy class in this witless and borderline offensive thriller.

9: The Love Punch

A crime caper come rom-com that’s about as much joy to experience as a punch in the face.

8: Divergent

An irrepressibly bland YA adventure that was all the more frustrating for wasting the talents of Shailene Woodley.

7: The Other Woman

At one point towards the end of The Other Woman we see Nikolaj Coster-Waldau walking in to various glass walls in a fit of rage. He appears to be in a lot of pain, but that’s nothing compared to the agony inflicted while watching this film.

6: The Legend of Hercules

Ironically, watching The Legend of Hercules was more laborious than any tasks undertaken by the Greek demigod himself.

5: As Above, So Below

Despite moments of unintentional hilarity, this is a film that follows its characters through the gates of hell and then takes its audience to the cinematic equivalent.

4: A Million Ways To Die In The West

A film built on half-baked ideas, a monotonous onslaught of crude humor, and the sight of a sheep’s penis. Just thinking back to it is enough to give one the willies.

3: Grace of Monaco

Booed by the critics; snored at by the audience; loathed by me.

2: The Inbetweeners 2

Stale jokes and hackneyed storytelling, it’s fair to say I’d rather be chased down a water slide by Neil’s shit than sit through this filmic equivalent of manure once more.

1:  Sabotage

Shoddy writing, second-rate performances, shite action sequences, and Schwarzenegger’s stupid hair, put them all together and what do you get? The worst film of the year that’s what. Good luck coming back after that one Arnie!